It was 6:30 a.m., and I was listening to my buddy explain how he felt a sense of emptiness at work and beyond. He had bounced around in his early career, always longing for more but disappointed by the outcomes. He finally landed a job that offered incredible upside potential for top producers and thought this was the pathway to fulfillment.

When the job started, he created a series of goals for himself and mapped out how he would get there. His routine was focused on moving closer to those goals each day by building up his knowledge, perfecting his sales techniques, reserving non-revenue generating work for after hours, and setting expectations with his wife that there were only certain times of the week designated for family activities.

It worked. In 18 months, he blew past his sales targets, received multiple promotions, took on additional responsibilities, paid off his credit card debt, and had savings in the bank. His plan was so well crafted that he reached this plateau of success about two years faster than he had expected. By all accounts, my friend had “made it.”

“Jeff, why don’t I feel happy? I’ve achieved my goals, making great money, and now I’m more miserable than before.”

I had never felt more connected to my friend than at this moment. I knew those feelings he described well, and I could see that he was at a potential pivot in his life. Times like these often define what’s for a rising star in the business world. Will they shift and pursue meaningful joy and fulfillment in something of greater substance? Or will they chase the elusive drug of worldly success and sacrifice the things that matter most to achieve it?

In my early twenties, I had mapped out a very aggressive personal growth strategy and found that my actual results outpaced even my nearly unrealistic expectations of success. I willingly sacrificed health, friendships, hobbies, personal development, and more as I chased the potential feeling of satisfaction through work success.

Every time I reached new milestones, the celebrations became shorter and less meaningful. Getting an early career promotion and a 5% pay increase was more enjoyable than any other promotion, regardless of rank or pay, because that first experience was new and exciting. Pretty soon, promotions were just part of the “rise to the top,” and there was little to no joy embedded in the act itself.

One day, the team I was managing closed the largest energy contract in the company’s history. This contract was four times bigger than the previous record and over 300 times larger than our average deal size. I barely slept in the final days leading up to the signed contract, and when the deal was closed, I calculated the commission owed to me and the rest of the team. It was a big number. Certainly, a big commission would bring deeper satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment, right?

Nope. My excitement for this large deal didn’t even last an hour. It seemed that the larger the worldly success without substance to go with it, the more disappointing it was to experience.

I am grateful for my early career success because I learned firsthand how little can be gained from “crushing it” at work when the rest of your life is out of balance and the most important items are set aside for another day. I was young enough then that any changes I made going forward would be in place for most of my career instead of the other way around.

So, what changed for me?

One day, I snapped. It was like God hit me with a lightning bolt and reminded me of all the times I felt peace, joy, fulfillment, and wholeness in the years prior. I realized I missed spending time in the fresh air, playing basketball, setting aside time for reading, visiting with friends and family, and going deeper in my pursuit of faith. Just as the worldly excitement faded away quickly, I also found a love and joy that satisfied when I was on retreat, in prayer, on pilgrimage, talking with friends about faith, worshipping at Mass, listening to great talks about faith, and more. I wanted more of the good stuff while focusing less on the “work success.”

As I grew in my faith, health, and relationships with others, I knew I didn’t need to define myself or my success by any job title, pay grade, bonus check, or headline. I was complete, and my worth existed simply because I existed, thanks be to God.

Listening to my buddy and his woes brought these feelings back front and center. So, I challenged him to tell me what success means and how does he define himself. He knew his answers were shallow, so he asked for guidance. I gave him a brief history of the similar pathway I had walked and told him that through faith, family, and true friendships, I found a deeper definition of self that far surpassed the worldly version. He thanked me and left that conversation to consider his next steps.

One year later, that friend called me to tell me everything had changed. He had shifted the focus of his life and put his priorities into proper order. His faith life was growing, his marriage was strong, and he was searching for volunteer opportunities to use his talents to help others in need. He sounded different, and I was excited to see what was next.

His growth continued, and just last week, he let me know that he was gearing up for his first evening tutoring session, where he would be working alongside mothers who had either been previously homeless or were facing homelessness and now had a home, clothing, food, and a chance to reset their lives as well.