He was pacing back and forth on a phone call during my son’s baseball game, obviously engaged in a serious work conversation. His intensity was clear, but he also seemed to have the patience of a good listener. Others started watching him as well, and soon, the crowd became curious to know what this call was all about.

As I watched him, it became clear where he learned to communicate this way.  The man on the business call was my 5-year-old son Ambrose, and he was on a toy phone that we had brought for his little sister. I couldn’t believe it. His mannerisms - - the pacing, the passionate hand gestures, the pause to listen with a titled head - - were all mirror images of what I had shown him over the years when I take an important call.  

My oldest son is almost up to bat, and I love witnessing his intensity during each practice swing in the batter’s box. He doesn’t appear to be warming up as much as he looks like he is hyping himself up for the greatest potential hit in Little League history. Again, it hits me; they both act like me.

As the father to seven wonderful kids, I am reminded daily - - scratch that, hourly - - that I get a front-row seat to the daily replay of my parenting strengths and weaknesses just by watching the kids. From the tender moments of genuine concern for one another to the phrases they use when they are upset and trying to win an argument and drive home their respective points. Everything about my parenting style is parroted back to me in some form or fashion, providing a nearly real-time feedback mechanism for growth.

The same can be said for any leaders in the workplace. Your employees will adopt many of your habits, communication preferences, phrases, mannerisms, and more, for better or worse.

For Better:

I’ve witnessed teams mimic their leader in many positive, virtuous ways, including:
 

• Actively seeking feedback and openly engaging in a culture of coaching
• Using vacation as a time to rest rather than a chance to work remotely and still engage in most emails and online meetings
• Saying please, thank you, and I’m sorry throughout the normal course of business
• Setting the table before engaging in difficult conversations
• Adopting inside jokes and funny vernacular or references that become an embedded part of the organizational culture

Or For Worse:

There are also countless examples of teams following a leader’s example to the detriment of the organization and/or the dignity of the human person, including:

• Yelling as a form of leadership and a reminder of the company hierarchy
• Cussing throughout the normal workday and using bad language in place of helpful adjectives and nouns that would enhance the conversation
• Deflecting feedback by trying to defend, rationalize, or dismiss instead of demonstrating an openness to receive constructive input
• Avoiding tough conversations in person and resorting to text messages and emails as the primary mechanism for discussions that should help in-person
• Apologizing for medical leave, vacations, and any of the normal times when family responsibilities warrant time away from work

What examples come to mind when you read through these lists? Do you also have those experiences as a leader or parent when you see your mannerisms, phrases, and mindset come back to you from your kids or employees?

Every organization (and family) has a culture or a way of operating—for better or worse.

The ones that thrive are intentional about every aspect of culture building, and you can be, too.

We would love to help you, and we have many tools and programs available for leaders looking to shift into the next gear. Contact us and let’s get started on your next step today.